What I'm Missing Right Now

I used to be a voracious coffee drinker until the dreadful day when I realized that caffeine just had to go. The palpitations I felt on a daily basis were the most convincing clue. I don't particularly enjoy the feeling of my heart racing. Funny, because I never noticed it before in the 20+ years I've been drinking coffee in all its various forms, including espresso.


Still determined to feed my coffee addition, I switched to mochas. You know, half cocoa, half coffee. I figured some octane in my cup was better than none. Got addicted to mochas, sometimes three or more cups a day. When the caffeine in that got to be too much, I switched to decaf mochas. Not bad, but no octane.

Then came the Daniel Bible study (by Beth Moore). She challenged us to give up something for a 12-week period of time, just like Daniel did. I thought long and hard about to give up. I wanted to give up something easy like aerobic exercise, but I easily give that up on my own. No great sacrifice there. I prayed. I decided to give up dessert in its various forms. You know, cake, cookies, ice cream, pie, pudding. I drew the line at chocolate, though.

Funny thing with me and chocolate. I love chocolate, but as much as I love it, I don't typically overdo it. I can make a candy bar last a week or more. If it's a good quality chocolate, a little piece is quite satisfying. I digress.

Alas, just giving up desserts was not enough. Deep down I knew that what I really need to give up, at aleast for a short time, was my mocha addiction. Everyone in my circle of friends knew my love for coffee. I always said coffee was my last vice and no way would I give it up.

I gave it up.

The first two weeks were hard, but not impossible. Not willing to admit defeat, I switched to straight decaf. Hazelnut decaf to be exact. Of course, by this time coffee just didn't taste that great to me anymore. Must have been the chocolate that clouded my judgment.

Fast forward about five months and I find myself in a situation where I feel that God is asking me to do another "fast." Food is often my crutch and I want to be free from that.

This time, after only a little arguing with God over what to fast from, I knew my answer. Chocolate - all things chocolate, including hot cocoa, mochas, Hershey kisses, chocolate chips, chocolate chip anything, M & Ms. You get the idea. Eliminating chocolate also effectively eliminates most desserts, which I have also decided to fast from.

This fast is for 30 days, until May 1. My husband is joining me with his own fast - he is fasting from anything spicy (hot). You see, he has this addiction to all things fire. If it has capsacin, he'll eat it in vast quanitities. The hotter the better. Chipotle? On everything. Habanero? You bet. On everything. He is a fire eater.

So, here we both are at the halfway mark of our fast. I can say that I haven't missed dessert all that much, or even chocolate for that matter. Very surprising. A few short months ago, I thought I woul dabsolutely die without them. Now, I am realizing it's not that vital to my existence that I have dessert or chocolate. Not to say that I never will. Never say never. But, I am praying that its hold over me has somehow been broken or at the very least loosened.

What I am missing is my Starbucks Hot Chocolate. I know, I know...the true chocolate lover would make hot chocolate from scratch with high quality Dutch process cocoa. But, when you are imbibing at work, such endeavors are quite impossible. Most powdered cocoa mixes are nasty. I agree. This one, however, is quite good. Very good, in fact, with hints of vanilla and a rich dark chocolate flavor. Quite good. I can probably do without dessert and M & Ms for a long period of time. I am, however, looking forward to being able to enjoy this drink again soon.

Coffee just isn't doing it for me. Who knew?